It will be all they are expecting
And more. She is blushing, beautiful. Pregnant, perfect, normal
She is exhilarated as she prepares her body
Prenatal vitamins, prenatal yoga. The perfect cocoon, her womb ready
I am in control, she thinks, and is completely happy
She hears horror stories, sick babies, and feels guilty for being so happy
For her blood and urine hold the promise of a perfect baby
She splashes non-toxic paint, sunny yellow, making the room ready
She is hungry for information. Women who know tell her what to be expecting
Talk of pain laughed off. The epidural (wink wink) takes you out of your body
That pain (they hold the wisdom of the world) is not normal
What does she know of normal
Her hand feels the rhythmic kicks, and she sighs, tired, but happy
Resting on the deep knowledge, nestled somewhere in her body
That tells her, as it has all women before, how to grow her baby
That’s where she got stuck, at the baby. She hadn’t thought to be expecting
Anything more. Which is why she wasn’t ready
Which is why, sliced open, she felt cheated. Angry. Blindsided and not ready
To explain her feelings, which they told her were not normal
Those who would offer comfort were not expecting
Her to care so much. Why couldn’t she just be happy
With that beautiful baby
Cooing, curled up and warm on her serrated body
She couldn’t explain it, why suddenly her body
Mattered. Overwhelming love, midnight feedings, for this she was ready
She would gladly have cut off an arm for a perfect baby
Or get sawed in half, she jokes, but they don’t find this funny, it’s not normal
That she cares about this, when she should just be happy
She got a healthy baby. That’s all she had been expecting
She didn’t know enough to see that she was expecting
More. She is selfish, unappreciative. Furious with her body
For its betrayal. But really it just did as it was told. She had been more than happy
To soak up the stories. Eager to avoid feeling. Easier that way, to pretend she was ready
Maybe they are right. She isn’t normal
Needing more. Ridiculous, when here she has a perfect baby.
Years later she will be happy, again expecting
A perfect baby. Experience and knowledge fill her body
Which stands ready, prepared for birth, age-old, normal.
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